So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
