I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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