There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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