Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
