let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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