ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
