Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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