I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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