Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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