Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
