It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize