You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
