Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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