So drunk its hurt
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
