At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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