8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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