I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
