Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
