She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
