Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
