Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
