I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
