garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
