OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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