how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This baby is an asshole
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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