I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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