My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize