What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
