I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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