She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
