You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
