I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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