Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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