I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
