eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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