finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize