If i come over, it means nothing
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
