so explain again why im purple
no
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
