Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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