I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
