I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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