I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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