You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize