you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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