Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
