you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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