i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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