oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
