We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
