At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
