Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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