I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
