Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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