Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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