Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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