Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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