And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
