Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
