you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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