i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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