I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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