My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
