let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
