At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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