I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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