so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
