We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
