I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
