I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cut my penus on the lid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
