I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
