Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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